LIES & BROKEN HEARTS

2009-01-01T13:25:00.000+08:00

http://heartsonyou.livejournal.com

happy 2009! :)

2008-12-28T17:00:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

i might switch to livejournal or xanga probably next year since my blog's dead already.

happy new year (:

2008-12-09T13:13:00.002+08:00

so, the holidays ain't how i imagined it to be..
like not getting the job i wanted, instead landing up in job that isn't very... ideal.

i have to get christmas presents for everybody,
or should i?
i'm feeling so lazy to do everything nowadays..

everybody's kinda different now. distant?
i can't recognise you anymore.

i wanna talk to you cuz i got so much to say. pardon?

sleeping late, waking up late, dragging myself out of the house for work, wishing i could be somewhere else with you.

dreams ain't reality, they're only flashing pictures in my head.

christmas....

happy december everyone, its a new year next year.
and it goes over and over again...

all i want for christmas is.....

fuck, and i'm late for work again.

2008-11-26T16:55:00.002+08:00

messy chalet with crazy people and crazy ideas.

happy 18th birthday sis (:

turning 18 means you can do alot of things...
lol.

2008-11-19T12:55:00.001+08:00

18, 19, 20, 21 chalet @ changi.
its kinda cool that the bungalow is directly facing old changi hospital.
although its freaky at night, there's alot of people! (:
pictures soon!

YES OMG! I LOVE MAHJONG!
OFF TO PLAY MAHJONG! (:

~~wtf menses.~~

2008-11-16T01:07:00.000+08:00

tired, sleep-deprived, but had a fun-filled weekend.

ice skating, kallang.
woooh-

more mario carts!

marcus' sis, wtf cute. :D

pris' prom! (:

tkgs prom! (:

vanny!

serene, suz (:

drag.

before prom

URGENT : looking for job without 6 month commitment!

pls help ):

busy busy busy everyday,

i become lazy to blog & take pictures.

sigh-

2008-11-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

words that i'm hearing are starting to get old.

the stars fall and i lie awake,
you're my shooting star.

:) EXAMS OFFICIALLY OVER-

which means, TIME TO PARTY MY ASS OFFFFFFFFF!
(i need sleep)

2008-11-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

whirlwind of emotions tonight,
i need more gin and vodka to bury them back into my heart.

apology for all the screaming,
but sorry- you still don't seem to understand.

different people with different ideas,
but you'll always win because of how i'm related to you.
unfair?

i want to talk it out but i'm not getting any answers,
wtfuck.

am i really that disobedient?
i should have just been a good little girl that you can be proud of,
but i can't turn back time to undo all those mistakes.

then what about my dreams, hopes, my future?
am i just going to let you take control,
and let it all fall apart?

no.

i'm going to make you understand,
i'm going to show you.

actually, i don't care anymore.
i'm left with nothing to begin with.

p.s: i don't know what's wrong, but i'm tired of pacifying. wtf's wrong, just say it and we'll solve it tgt, why do you keep running. i realised my patience ran away.

why do we keep running.

2008-11-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

the geeks get the girls.

time to party.

2008-11-06T20:42:00.000+08:00

went over to wanen's house today, her condo's swimming pool is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous.
:D

and her dog's effing cute! :)

2008-10-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

ain't no headlights on the road tonight everybody here is sleeping tight
ain't nobody gonna find us here - we'll disappear
if you had another night to give i would have another night to live

is it cloudy where you are tonight, are the neon lights shining bright , are you looking for a place to stay to get away?

the truth is that we'll never know where love will flow.

If I could do it over
I'd do it all again

happy anniversary - i miss you

random much

2008-10-13T13:12:00.000+08:00

i want the new sidekick phone!!!
why do they only sell it in the US!!!! ):

chocolate digestive is addictive,
and studying everyday is boring
but studying becomes a habit which is a good thing

omg why doesnt singapore sell many nice things like h&m vintage bags and sidekicks
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

):

i shld stop spending money

i'm craving japanese food.

2008-10-11T20:15:00.000+08:00

Mum's Birthday :)
10/10

that kiddo's so f heavy.

2008-10-11T00:54:00.001+08:00

things to do after the big O's :

- shopping
- partying
- workkkkkkkk :D :D
- sleepovers!
- travelling to neighbouring countries with anyone!
- midnight cycling (this includes supper :D )
- late night suppers!
- clubbing.
- more clubbing.
- sunrise. i never rly got the appreciate this, cuz my mornings are usually me rushing like hell to school.
- baking baking!
- ARCADE WITH JE. ENDLESS PHOTOHUNT & DDR.

etc etc.
:D

i want clothes for my birthday ):

2008-10-04T16:28:00.000+08:00

Graduation Day - Class of 2008

Finally, i'm gonna graduate from seconday school.
I didn't expect to tear at all, but anyhow, everyone was crying.
Its scary to know that you'll be leaving everybody, and we're all going different paths.
JCs, Polys, it'll never be the same.
I'm going to miss everybody, even people whom i never even talk to in class before.
Let's make it a point to meet up sometime yeah? :)

I remember being in Sec1 & 2 all over again,
i remember making Suzanna my best friend cuz i thought she's cool. (Yes, i thought you were!)
But in 1e9, everyone was everyone's friend.
We did crazy lame stuff and didn't rly care about studying much.
Those DDR times, the hugs (i recall abit now.), going to the beach all the time, playing maple together (i realise its a waste of time& money now) etc etc..
i really treasure those times, and i miss them.
but graduating means making new memories & meeting new people without forgetting the old ones. yes?
graduating means growing up, being matured, understanding people, and just being there for your friends and showing them how much they mean to you in many different ways.
i'll be there when any of you break up/fight/feel sad etcetc, and i know you guys will be there for me as well, ya?
graduating means a new kind of life, a certain freedom.
but graduating also means leaving secondary school life (all the lame jokes in class, the "studying" after sch together, the movies, the parties/bbqs, the just-hanging-out at bus stops aft school...)
i really treasure the many different friendships made in secondary sch, and you guys taught me how to grow up.
you guys taught me many things about me that i never knew, and we're so close and bonded that everytime we play 'truth or dare' , its so boring because we know everything about each other.

jiaen, shiru, dragon, van, yuting, siti, liting, kayling, calvina, eunice, denise, carol, li hsing, april, justina, suzanna...
I'm going to miss all of you shitloads,
see you all at prom! x3

Love ya'll :)

The last few pictures taken in school :)

Van & me

Me & Carol

Eunix

Scandalous.
Heh heh.

:B

class photo.

Pron, class chairman.

Liting, Me, Bestie :)

She says do something crazy. LOL.

omg, van and shiru's so retarded.
HAHAHAHA.

I can fly! :D

heheheheeeee.

Good luck for O levels people! :)

after exams, we shall partyyyyyyyy non-stop!
heh heh!

to SFTSL : its been 4 years and counting :)
love ya.

to kelvin: you're my motivation. love ya. :)

to dumbo: thanks for everything, the talks, the support, the friendship. i'll always be there for you, just like you're there for me. love ya :)

to bro: you're my gooooodest friend & i know you'll be there for me whenever, wherever! heheheeeee. love ya :)

to ster: you're my gooooodest (HT)square buddy, and i love you loads! enjoy climbing mt everest :D

to perverty: my goooooodest bian tai who never fails to think dirty. HAHAHA. love ya :)

to yuting: 4 years! thanks for putting up with me when i'm such a bitch at times. love ya :)

and to MANY others!

BYE! :)
won't be blogging till 12th nov.

2008-10-01T16:40:00.000+08:00

This is how a conversation in the car with my mum went today.

" Eh, after your exams i bring you to Ministry of Sound and St James ok? "

" HUH? "

" Ya, you don't want to go? "

" Nonono, of course i want to go.... "

and all along i thought she wouldn't let me go anywhere near clubs.
-.-

today's such a boring day, that i actually took a nap twice.
i dreamt of santa claus.

My favourite season ever: CHRISTMAS
can't wait for christmas! whee!

2008-09-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

you say i don't understand you, but do you even understand me?

fucked up.

2008-09-27T16:46:00.000+08:00

damn good 6 year old singer singing 'Over the rainbow'

she can create so much emotion just singing that song.

she's so cute, so all of you go see! :)

2008-09-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

i wish you'd say you miss me .

i think i had a concussion and went into a coma 4 years ago.
then i wake up, and become a whole new person.

i wish i did.
cuz then things would be different, wont they?

but things already are different.

sigh, study study studyyyyy.
zzzzzz.

2008-09-20T18:09:00.000+08:00

Here's a scary fact: around 4 weeks to O levels.

Here's another scarier fact: i've only completed studying like, 30% of the entire 8 subjects? :S
i want to go shopping!!!!!

the stars fell out of the sky
the tears rolled out of the ocean
& i'm looking for a reason why.

M <3

2008-09-17T23:14:00.001+08:00

OMG, I SO TOTALLY WANT TO GO NEW YORK OR MELBOURNE TO STUDY.
OR ANYWHERE OVERSEAS!

STUDYING OVERSEAS IS JUST GORGEOUS, LOVELY, SHWEEEEEEEEEET!

:) TIME TO START SAVING MONEY.

I WELCOME ANYBODY WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME WHEN I'M OLD ENOUGH TO GO UNI :D

I'M SERIOUS.
SMS ME.

2008-09-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

everytime my eyes pass over those words
everytime i read through what you've wrote over and over
i can't help but find myself crying because,
its so painful to read every printed letter,
its so painful to think that,
why wasn't i there?
why didn't i do anything?
why didn't i FEEL anything?
why don't you just talk to me and just help me to understand you?

everytime i look at you,
you're a different person.
you lie and lie, and i know, but you still lie anyway.
you make empty promises all the time,
and everytime i do keep a little teeny bit of hope inside me,
but every single time without fail, you'd just step on that promise and even forget about it.

i don't know how to even cure this
and i don't know why sometimes you fail to understand certain concepts.

things happen, we have to accept it.
people change, we have to accept it.
feelings change, we have to accept it.

people get hurt, all the time.
why run away from everything?

i still remember the time when we had chocolate milkshake.
i still remember the time when you got your arm broken.
i still remember the times when we fought, and i treated it as a game
but you didn't.
you thought i didn't love you at all.
but listen, you were never alone.
its just that you couldn't see me.
i swear that i'd do anything to exchange places with you,
before the nightmare started.
i'd gladly take your place, get all the hurt and pain instead of you.
so when i'm on the brink of killing myself,
you'd come and rescue me.
you'd come and say, don't do silly things.
and i promise i won't say, you won't understand.
cause i know deep down, no matter how you'll still try to understand every inch of me.

i blame myself for not trying to understand,
now i do.
give me a chance, please?
talk to me.

i remember when you weren't here,
and everytime she walked out that door,
i felt awful.
i felt neglected.
i felt unwanted.
but what could i do?

i missed everybody but nobody missing me.
i loved everybody but nobody loving me.

i gave up and did things that i wasn't supposed to do.
i talked to strangers, i made friends with people my mother warned me about.
but i had nothing to do, nobody to love.

everytime i go on someone's family gathering-outing,
i find myself thinking,
is this what i'm missing out all the time?
this is what love is all about.

i wish i could stop feeling this pain.
i can't take it but i will.
because if it wasn't me and someone else, it'll hurt even more.

i just heard some bad news this monrning.
& i'm afraid.

i feel so stupid that i keep complaining.
i wish nobody can read this except me.

2008-09-15T16:26:00.000+08:00

sick and stuck at home facing 4 blank walls.
its so boring because, i don't feel well enough to study, actually i don't feel well enough to do anything except sit and use e comp.
my fever goes and comes and goes and comes, but i rly wanna go school tmr.

sighhhhhh.
my fever's coming back againnnnnn.

one day, i'll find the courage to stick a knife through my heart...

2008-09-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

NC16 with violence & nudity, the show was alright only.
i hated the parts where all the blood splatters everywhere and there's even a part where they show the hand being cut off by a boat propeller. gross to the max, yucks. one word: gory. i kinda thought the show was nice. but anyhow, Bangkok is beautiful and the romance part was very sad/touching.

went to bugis with someone whom i've never went out with for so long :D
hehehehe.
and then went to catch bangkok d.

i got a pink rose! :)

2008-09-10T18:53:00.000+08:00

I LOVE AVRIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMAGAWDDDDDDD.

when all the stars die,
thats when i'll know.

2008-09-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

watched If Only and i learnt to appreciate people more.
its fucking touching, cried and everything.

The story:
This guy and his girlfriend (Jennifer Love Hewitt) live togethr and stuff. He's British, and she's american. The girl loves him alot, but the guy like, loves her lesser than she loves him (?) The girl's confused whether to stick with him, cause she feels that he doesn't love her. She has plans to leave him on the day of her graduation concert. (she's a violinist) So anyway, after the concert, she takes a cab home, plus she just told the guy that she wanna break up with him. The cab stops at a red light, he runs after the cab, the cab moves (green light) and BANG, another car crashes into the cab. The guy was shocked, cuz he tried to run after the cab and another car just crashes into the cab. He sends her to the hospital immediately, but she dies while they were operating on her. The guy cries his heart out, went back to the apartment, hugs her diary & the song she wrote for him to bed. (she's talented in music - violinist/singer.)

Here's the catch.

He wakes up, still hugging the diary & song, and hears this voice saying, "open it and you die." (referring to the diary) He turns very slowly around, saw his (supposedly dead) girlfriend and screams. He screams, she screams, both of them screams. He can't believe she's alive & right in front of him right now. So here, its kinda like 'dejavu' cause you will realise that the previous day is being replayed all over again. But the moral of the story is, he gets the chance to appreciate his girlfriend for one more day. See, previously, he didn't really appreciate his girlfriend much and just sorta took her for granted. So he wakes up and watch the whole day repeat itself again. Of course he didn't want his girlfriend to die, so he tries millions of ways to change the day from replaying itself. But everything happens the same, and so he decides to take her out of London. They go on a train to his hometown for the afternoon, spend quality time alone together, go on The Eye, go for a lovely dinner @ some nice cosy restaurant and buys her a lovely bracelet. However, after the concert, she's waiting for a cab and he decides to tell her how much he actually loves her. He says a very touching speech and all then they both got on the cab. Then it goes to the traffic light, and exactly at 11pm (previous day also), bang. Another car crashes into the cab, however, the guy protected his girlfriend and die in her place.

So, although he did everything he could to appreciate his girlfriend sincerely, he sacrificed himself to save her. I cried like shit because all his efforts were like 'wasted' cuz she will hurt even more after feeling so loved by him. Right? But its super depressing la, how can he die. ):

I've been staying up till 4am every night studying! and fuck, tmr's Avril's concert and i can't go?
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! ):
I'm really so upset over this.
Bye.

" Loving you was so easy. "
" But i've never felt love like this before. You taught me how to love you. "

2008-09-06T01:11:00.001+08:00

People are actually REAL NICE, even if you don't really know them well :)
me love y'all many many! <3

p.s I want to become a doctor.
:O

2008-09-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

omggggg, i can't believe i'm missing out on avril's concert!

fuck, i hate exams!

knnbccb, NABEHHHHHHHH!!!!

T__________________________T

2008-09-02T13:37:00.000+08:00

every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

time to get up on my feet and move on, yeah? :)

roses are red.

2008-09-02T13:18:00.000+08:00

有人问我,

" 当你孤单, 你会想起谁? "

我没回答, 因为我自己也不知道.

2008-09-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

quite long ago @ swensens.

night walks.

HAHAHAHA, I LOOK LIKE SHIT HERE BUT I DON'T CARE.

LIFE'S A BITCH DURING EXAMS, STUDY HARD YEAH.

LOVE Y'ALL :B

2008-09-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

how many times have i wanted to run away?
how many times have i told myself not to give in to you?
how many times have i actually gone against myself just to make you happy?
how many times must i ask myself whether i'm doing the right thing?
i'm sick of this, and i so badly want to give up.

i hate doing what's right but i have to do it.
cuz i love you, although we don't actually say it.

i hate it when you tell me i'm wrong.
maybe i'm wrong anyway.

i don't know what to do anymore, and i've been taking one step at a time.
i've no direction at all, and i don't know if i'm right.
i could do foolish things, or i could do better.

i hate it when no one else knows what to do.
ironically, no one even knows how to live the right way.

i hate it when no one cares.

i need a conversation with God right now, one where he actually replies me in words.

and i keep on lying, lying...
to myself. to you. to everyone else.
and it hurts more to know that you've been replaced so easily.

2008-08-30T01:55:00.000+08:00

tm.
novena.
heeren.
cine.
tcc.
home.
tired.
):

need to study.

2008-08-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

somehow,
somewhere,
out there-

now if i wrote you a love note
and make you smile with every word I wrote
what would you do?

you can be my baby-

2008-08-28T15:45:00.001+08:00

My heart is

an

e m p t y

room.

2008-08-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

sexy.

i have to many things to say, but i just don't know how to put it into words.

my emotions are running wild-

2008-08-23T15:37:00.000+08:00

its amazing how different everybody is.

what am i to do if you never return?

2008-08-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

& i'm just another fan.

i think i didn't do very well for English Oral despite english being my only language i'm fluent in.

outstreched arms, open hearts

if it never ends, then when do we start?

2008-08-16T13:21:00.000+08:00

Last night, i dreamt i was batman.

disappointments, always.
i shld start learning never to have any hope.

2008-08-15T17:10:00.000+08:00

self-love (?)

2008-08-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

fuck.

i keep backspacing and i don't know whether i should actually write what i feel here.

i'm crushed.

at that moment when we were talking about the past,
i could just see myself through my own eyes.
how much i couldn't understand about the world, yet.
the world makes me confused, and i don't knw what to do.
its not like everyone's perfect, and there are reasons for why people change.
things that people do, its because of how they really feel.
how teenagers turn out to be, depends on whatever inflicted on them from their family.
its pitiful to see hearts being broken, and none having chances to feel happy.
"its never too late to turn it all around.." bullshit, plain bullshit.
NOTHING, NOTHING CAN MAKE THINGS BETTER.
CUZ NOBODY REALLY CARES, AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HOW IT FEELS.
AND WHY AM I STUCK IN THIS ROOM WITH NO DOORS?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT TO EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO.

2008-08-11T14:35:00.000+08:00

Singapore Flyer-

i don't know what's with the hairband either -.-

he claims his hair is too long to be seen by humans.

the flyer was fun, and kinda short.

cuz you really won't feel that its 30mins once you're in that capsule thingy.

wanted to catch the sunset, but it was so crowded that we went in only at 7.30 ):

can't wait for Avril's concert, i'm so gonna go :D

time to study hard, i won't be using the comp as often anymore.

prelims in 1 week

O's in 2 months?

i should feel worried, but all i can think of is having fun ):

anywayz,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

and..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAN CHOO! (in advance)

2008-08-06T20:15:00.000+08:00

7 sept : Avril Lavigne - the best damn thing.
8 sept : chemistry & geography paper.

:/

its like learning to fly,
or falling in love.

2008-08-05T18:37:00.000+08:00

Dark Knight was worth the money.

2008-08-04T16:55:00.000+08:00

2008-08-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.
you said you wouldn't leave.

i wonder how drowning feels like.

2008-08-02T16:09:00.000+08:00

school's so boring, i really think self-studying is much much better @ this point in time.

so i drew a face and laughed.

2008-08-02T15:21:00.000+08:00

Goldfishes have a attention span of 4-7 seconds. (not memory span)
(By wikianswers)

Research by the School of Psychology at the University of Plymouth in 2003 demonstrated that goldfish have a memory-span of at least three months and can distinguish between different shapes, colors and sounds.

The Mythbusters tested the myth that goldfish only had a memory span of 3 seconds. The Mythbusters were also able to prove that goldfish had a longer memory span than commonly believed. This was done by making goldfish go through a maze over a period of time. It was evident that they were able to remember the way and that they therefore had a memory span of over three seconds.

Credits: Wikipedia

:D i feel smarter about goldfishes now.

2008-08-01T19:15:00.001+08:00

OMG, AVRIL LAVIGNE'S COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!

7 SEPT :D :D

2008-08-01T18:10:00.000+08:00

decisions, decisions.
i hate making decisions.

mom doesn't want me to go for the operation (?)
but i don't know which is better, i mean, what if it goes all wrong? :/

i won't be able to fly kites.
i won't be able to run around in a big open field
i won't be able to look up at sky speckled with clouds.
i won't be able to kick off my shoes and just play in the sand.
i won't be able to swing on swings or learn to swing all over again.

life is beautiful, flowers are beautiful, strangers are even more beautiful.
:)

i've been rejecting every offer to go out, and i feel like a caged bird.
i got hooked on prison break season 3, and no i didn't catch season 1& 2.
hahahaha, but i still get the story :D
i think heroes is boring, and i kinda like chinese dramas cuz it entertains me. (see how boring my life is?)
i kinda want a SLR, but i foresee that i'm gonna chuck it one side when i get bored with it.

i kinda wanna get a degree in apparel designing, but maybe not.
i kinda wanna run away from home, but maybe not.
i'm like a goldfish in a round glass bowl, swimming in circles.

apparently, i think it was van, who told me that goldfishes swim in circles all the time in their glass bowl because they forgot that they've swam a full circle (?)
and i doubt so -.- i think its cuz they got no where else to swim what.

its a FRIDAY, and where should i be?
fuck yes, i'm at home and i'm going to study.
hahaha, yeah right.

can't wait for Os to be over, so i can do so many things.
and i shall not care about anyone :D
i shall travel all over the world, and come back with 20 ang moh boyfriends. HAHAHA.
or rather, 1 potential ang moh husband, yes? :)

so, i'm going to learn contemporary writing, and descriptive.
cuz van says my compo is like a primary school kid's compo.
D: but i wanna be a writer!
i have absolutely no talent in all my interests, ironic yes?

SINGFEST - tickets on sunday are sold out.
PLEASE, ANYONE, if you're selling tickets for sunday, TELL ME!
I'M LOOKING FOR 2 TICKETS TO SINGFEST ON SUNDAY.
THANKS LOTS.

okay, i shant be emo anymore :)
i'm going to bury myself in my bed and dream of flying.

run, em,
run.

2008-07-31T23:06:00.001+08:00

call me a loser, whiney-ass, attention seeker, shithead, or whatever you want.
but i miss my dad.

only now, i've realised.
only now, do i know how you felt.
only now, i do know what to do.

and from now, i wanna show you how much i love you,
i really do.
so please don't turn away.

lastly, fuck you all shitheads out there who screwed it all up.
i wish i could just strangle you, to death.

fucking immature, fucking attention seekers, go fucking get a life.
cuz you people aren't worth any time and its really a waste talking to you guys.
all the hurt that you've caused,
its not going to go away.

FUCK, i wanna kill myself for being an ASSHOLE.

2008-07-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

So tired of the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

i'm going under the knife to cure my empty heart.

2008-07-30T11:02:00.000+08:00

tell me, is this all worth it?

is this how shallow love is?
lies, all lies?

to think you only cared for yourself,
if you only stopped to think for just one minute.
to each for its own, it goes the same to you.

love used to be so beautiful.
please stop hurting.

you're making me not wanna love,
because you're teaching me how ugly love is.
you've gone and done it, i can't love.

now tell me, what should i do?

2008-07-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry baby ):

2008-07-27T21:53:00.001+08:00

We're looking down at the same night sky,
keep pretending the sun will not rise.

for one more night,
right here,
right now.

2008-07-27T11:50:00.000+08:00

i've been such a baddie, ruining people's perfect little lives.

& i'm envious of people who have emotions.

2008-07-26T10:03:00.000+08:00

i look so tired here, but who cares.
HAHAHAHA. :D

Teo & Sien on the concert night.
:D

Sien & Persis.

~~Dory~~ Li Hsing & Persis.

i'm bored shit to death.

):

grey/silver? gold? white?
I HATE CHOOSING.

2008-07-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

things to be happy about.

beginning a journal in a blank book
fresh sand
christmas trees from all lands
the ways people stand at a corner
baby-sitting
dominoes
the shaded quiet of a Victorian gazebo and the tranquillity of the woods
a three-year old's imagination
old black-white snapshots
licking a cake bowl
hiding behind curtains
ringing the bell for doggy's dinner & doggy running over to you
listening to your silent voice
cultivating the habit of success
large messy sandwiches
avenues of majestic trees
having a different kind of sandwich for lunch
clouds
clouds with silver linings
dark greyish clouds
a sky the shade of faded blue jeans
a sky in a salmon-y orange-y colour
a wind on the way when there's a red sky at sunset
a romance between a French girl and a Yale dropout
secondhand stores
cabbage & tomato salad
"once in a blue moon"
baby grand pianos
candlelight ceremonies
apple strudels
honey ice cream
smiling your smile
popcorn at movies
fried mozzarella and marinara sauce
haunted houses
catching a robber

:)

i've been happy on the outside, and sad on the inside.

2008-07-22T17:19:00.000+08:00

the past won't replay itself, just as the dead can't revive.

fucking shit.

2008-07-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday to Tong & Teo!
i'll let the pictures do the talking.

Teo.

Tong.

I sneakily ate a little bit of cream from the cake before hand, and shiru caught me.
:/

Blindfolded :X

I told the baker guy to write "Happy birthday blahblah.. You're so hot that i melted."
and guess what, the guy said, "What?! You're what?!"
LMAO. HAHAHAHA.

Requested by Tong& Teo.
Teo loves the supposedly shuai guy there from slam dunk, and Tong wished for the flags.
Chocolate truffle cake ----- i give it 20 out of 10 :D
ITS DAMN DAMN DAMN ~~FATTENING~~ DELICIOUS!

We took off the blindfolds...

and this is their reaction.
:O

Heh. Pretty much fun fooling around after Zany @ East Coast Park.
But i'm kinda disappointed we didn't win for Zany & its our last year... :/
Anyhow, we've done our best and we're good ya.
Cheer up all those who're disappointed in not winning.
:) ITS THE TEAM WORK THAT COUNTS YA.

Wedding on 20th July.
Congrats to Johnson & Doreen! :)
pictures!

I kinda dislike my camera, cuz it takes dark and blur photos. I wanna buy a new camera soon!
Nikon :D :D

Concert tmr :)

fall, falling, fallen.

2008-07-20T01:35:00.000+08:00

what's love to you?

to me, it's being truly happy cuz you're constantly on someone else's mind.
to me, it's being blissful cuz you've found someone that'll care about you the most.
to me, it's knowing that you're his & he's yours. period.
to me, it's that special someone who makes you smile no matter what/when & he loves you the most.

but it makes me wonder.

does loving someone mean that you'll sacrifice anything for him?
does loving someone mean that he's no.1 piority and nothing else comes before him?
does loving someone mean that even if he's done smth wrong, you'll still forgive him & continue loving him no matter what? (eg. the rapist's wife loving him even though he raped 2 underaged girls)
does loving someone mean you're willing to do anything just to get that special someone back?
(like standing outside his house forever, just to make him come out cuz he ignores your calls.)
yes, there are actually people who do this, just to get him back. -.-

people in love don't know how lucky they are.
people fall out of love because maybe the feeling just ain't there anymore.

HOW FAR ARE WE WILLING TO GO/SACRIFICE JUST FOR LOVE?

looking at people in love makes me feel all... fuzzy.
it makes me look at myself and wonder...
love is simple, its people who mixes it up and make me all confused.

the hardest part about love is not actually trying to understand it, but finding that someone you love. cuz once you've met that special someone, everything just falls into place :)

i'm currently going nuts because i haven't started studying for prelims. god. it's gonna be all my fault if i fail another paper cuz it's me whose lazy and doesn't wanna work hard ):
shit, where's my motivation gone to.

TIME TO STUDY!
SOMEONE MOVTIVATE ME LEH T_T

~~its so fucking hard not to think of you.~~
baby, i miss you.
K.

2008-07-19T15:44:00.000+08:00

- fell out of my bed @ arnd 10.30 am (surprisingly early since i slept at 1plus.)
- met C and B downstairs with one of their friend, Gary(?).
- the sun stood me up halfway.
- waited, waited, drizzled. ):

there's a shop @ marina square that sells dresses from $8.
:)

shit, i wanna get darker.

2008-07-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

): ): ):

不管天长地久, 只管曾经拥有.

2008-07-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

Its 2am in the morning.

Me : (stares @ phone for 30 secs cuz i got woken up) "...... hello"
Em : " Eh, yo charm. "
Me : (what the fu-) "WHAT?!"
Em : "Oh, just wanna tell you that i'm coming over to yours tmr. "
Me : "Its 2 fucking AM in the morning, and you called just to say that? "
Em : " Cuz i haven't slp yet what, chat a bit lah. "

insane i tell you.

so, had school till 4pm, and i had this HUGE urge to pon IR.
but aiyah, didn't lah.
Oh, today was the Prefects Investigure thingy, and i saw Hiaren in my school.
and i was shocked lah, i mean, he's vice head prefect?!?!!?!?
LOL.

went to shop for a while after that right, and i realise that i actually grew fatter @ my tummy.
): fat fat fat fat fats.
like, i can't fit into my shorts anymore. and some of em the buttons wanna burst already loh.
D: i should cut down eating.

Nikon d-slr can capture stars.

pretty huh :)

aights, tanning tmr!
hope i can wake up early enough to catch the sun.

a certain someone told me never to take someone for granted.
especially someone who loves you - unrequited.
it hit me cuz i've been there, done that.
i've took many ppl for granted, and in turn i've become such a selfish person.
looking @ a certain someone being so happy cuz of love,
i feel more lost.
cause i'm wondering, where's mine?

2008-07-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

numb.

2008-07-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

~~the fucking fucking truth hurts real bad.~~

I AM SO GOING TO STUDY MY FREAKING ASS OFF!
:D

another wedding on sunday,
& i'm gonna wonder how this couple is gonna start their new lives together.
i mean, they're young and not really financially stable yet, i guess.

babies & abortion.
ironic.

2008-07-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

the CL listening o lvels was fucking hard.

fuck.
can someone tell me what to do when you're all alone in this.
its a dead end.

2008-07-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

seek and you shall find.
ask and it shall be given to you.

till now, i've received none.

i'm more lost that ever,
i hope i don't lose my sanity.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

2008-07-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

"u'll always be the 1 i l0ve and never be replaced forever.
iloveyou."

hey, you have to know that you're irreplaceable too. but you have to open up to me okay. maybe its cuz we nvr spend enough time together, thats why you seem so far. anyhow, don't always think that you need a full family, cuz its not the numbers that count, but rather its the people that make you whole. yes, i know you hate it that daddy's not here, but we have to learn to accept it alright. life isn't going to end there, it has to go on. so don't make the same mistakes and just lookon the bright side of life yeah? :) i'll always be here for you, anytime. i just don't want to see you live so meaninglessly because of this and i want you to be happy alright.
to my darling darling sister :]

i keep thinking this, and i wonder if my dad thinks that i'm... not good enough. like, he's never there, but i wonder why he doesn't wanna spend time with me and stuff. he has his own family and stuff, but at least? i'm a part of him somehow, and how can people just abandon their own kin right. ): i bet he doesn't even miss me lah. i feel like a disappointment to him, like i don't deserve his love/care. maybe he hates me & i shouldn't appear in his life huh.

should i be feeling guilty?

sigh, life's so confusing but beautiful at the same time. its making me go in circles.
i saw something special today, and i wonder how come people can make life seem so easy.

what really hurt me is that i broke your heart,
and i had no right.

2008-07-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

Today is the most beautiful day.

The bright blue sky in the morning was perfect, & the night sky was full of stars. Another perfect.

:)

woke up @ 9am and went to town. its surprisingly quiet on a saturday morning, or maybe i'm just early. cabbed down to LT's house, then walked to tuition. she made me breakfast cos i havent eaten. hahahaha, nice huh :)
tuition was superly boring, but i had the motivation to do at least a 5 questions. :/ i really really suck in chem, but i hate to read my chem textbook. ): ):
fuck. i had this big big temptation to go town, but forced myself to go home and study ):
went home, studied abit, then brought my dog to the beach :)
(okay lah, i'm in self-denial, its not my dog. hahahaha. but my cousin left it in my care, so its my dog!!)
walked arnd, and realised that owning a dog is a real novelty, like everyone comes up to you and try to start a conversation. whoa, imagine the number of friends i could make by just walking my dog.
got hungry, then went to a seafood restaurant with doggy. i'm super thankful that they let.
had crab and fried buns with R and we were super full. then M came and joined us, and omg he has a super super nice camera! i mean, SLR or whatever.
it got me into liking photography and stuff. i wanna get an SLR!!!!!! ):
took some pictures, but it was late so we went t walk by the beach instead.
many many stars tonight.

oh, my dog licked my face today.
): he's so dirty after walking @ the beach, and he licked my face.
): arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i realise i got tuition everyday!
monday to sunday :o

I WANT TO GO SHOPPING MANSXZ.

):

2008-07-11T17:54:00.000+08:00

Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending,
Than have to forget you for one whole minute.

2008-07-11T17:41:00.000+08:00

Everyone's equal.
I don't want you to feel that you don't deserve it, or that money/time/effort shouldn't be wasted on you. Don't put down yourself, cuz you deserve every right to enjoy everything that your dad does for you. :) You guys are gonna have fun, okay? Quality time together! Nice.

Had English Oral today, and while waiting we played games, talked and stuff. Hwee's Bob stories very interesting! hahahahaha.
So, the oral was horrible lah. I didn't even prepare, cuz English is one subject that its either you're good or not. But i suck at analysing pictures lah -____-
Okay, so the picture is about kids and adults cycling @ the beach/park whatever. So the teacher asked me, "So, what do you think is happening that day?" Omg lah. I didn't know what to answer? I mean, is there a reason to go cycling? :/ So whatever lah, i said family day or some crap. Pffffft.
And the convo topic was, Do you think it is easy to ride a bicycle in Sg? I talked about pathways made specially for cyclists, portable bicycles allowed into trains etcetc. Then she asked me, How to attract more people to take public transport? So i said ERP, high fuel prices & traffic congestions everywhere so ppl don't want to drive, ppl can't afford cars, blahblah.

Haiyah, i hope i do well ):
i remember i almost failed English Oral last term. 12/20?!

Going over to Cal's for tuition now. I'm so glad that she lives just opposite, so i can sleep longer @ home ;X

Did you ever for a second got to thinking that,
you're irreplaceable?

I miss my dad lah.

2008-07-10T16:43:00.001+08:00

DEATH CAB TICKETS SOLD OUT.

i didn't know it was so hot in sg.

):

2008-07-10T00:38:00.001+08:00

i'm trippin' on words & you've got my head spinning.

2008-07-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

It rained today. And i love rainy days, because it has been so hot for the past weeks. So, I walked to school in soaking wet shoes/socks, and albeit not being able to dry them, i had to walk around in my naked feet & toes. And that's when i realise the class is so dirty lah.

OV turns me off during her lessons, especially when she picks on me. I'm not being rebellious or what, but i really really dislike it when she tells me off. I don't know why, i really get unhappy & slighty pissed when she does that.
Haiyah, OKAY LAH, i admit i've been eating lollipops in her class not so sneakily, i've been talking non-stop and totally ignoring her, i've not been doing her work etcetc.
But i've always thought she's a nice teacher and i gave her respect. I really did. I've always been smiling @ her cuz i thought she seems lonely, being single & old.
After i talked to her about some personal stuff, being single-parented and all, she treats me like some chao ah lian. OMG? Why is she the kind to sterotype people? I've tried so hard to just show her that i'm not what she thinks, but she still thinks otherwise. I dont know lah, i'm lost. D:
But its kinda hard for me not to get unhappy during her lessons ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):

Lost my chem textbook last night, and i found it tonight. Always be my baby is blasting on radio, and its 12.29am. Gotta sleep early to study harder! :)
I think the world's such a confusing place, and i'm really lost in it.

Its not you or me,
but you and me.

2008-07-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse?
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worst?
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Sufferings, Burdens, Regrets, Hopelessness, Lost, Denial, Sleepless nights, Brokenness, Suicidal, Pessimistic, Smothered, Invisible, Rejected, Left out, Drained, Melancholic, Angst, Wasted, Screwedup, Tortured, Pressured, Displaced, Unworthy.

We carry the weight of the world.
We make mistakes that we once said we'll never commit again.
We sometimes wish, all these are just many bad dreams.
If only we gave, a little concern, a fraction of time, a simple smile and a teaspoon of love.

May then the world could be a better place.
relish myself in this emoshit.

i can't be bothered to listen to my procastinations @ the back of my head.
i'm gonna study my ass off.
i swear.

i hope.